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Your a Red-Neck Rodder if....
You can't visit relatives without getting
mud on your tires.
You have a hefty bag for a passenger-side window.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that's mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight
Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this
transmission so I can take a bath."
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
Your entire family has
ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave
the bingo hall because of her language.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.
You think a
chain saw is a musical instrument.
Your coffee table has "Micky Tompson" stamped on it.
Your mother
has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
Your dishwasher
is only used to clean car parts.
You used an old sofa to convert your trunk into a rumble seat.
You grade your fuel
by "Proof", not "Octane".
You can reload while driving.
The Department of Motor Vehicles won't
register your car because nobody can determine the make, model or year.
You think "Greenhouse Gas" is some
sort environmentally friendly fuel (like the stuff you make in woods behind your house).
You consider WD-40 legitimate
substitute for Old Spice.
Rust is your favorite color.
Instead of "The Club", you hang a live rattlesnake
from the rearview mirror and leave the car unlocked.
Putting a $50 part on your car doubles it value.
There are
more than five McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on
your trunk lid.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show
and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
Your CB antenna is a danger
to low-flying planes.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
People hear your car long before they see it.
The
gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into
Sea World.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course - from your car.
MOTEL 6 turns off the lights
when they see you coming.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your mother does
not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.
You know how many bales of hay
your car will hold.
You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
You have
a rag for a gas cap.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You show your boyfriend you really love
him by carving his name in your arm.
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance
restrictions.
After the Prom you drove the car while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.
All of your four
letter words have two syllables.
Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
Your house doesn't have curtains
but your car does.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You think a Volvo is part of
a woman's anatomy.
You have grease under your toenails.
The directions to your house say "Turn off the
paved road."
When packing for vacation, your biggest decision is whether to use paper or plastic.
You have
trouble with people parking under your truck.
You've ever driven across a pond.
Fewer than half of your cars
run.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
Your richest relative buys a new
house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
Your high school annual is now a mug-shot book for the police.
You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug-zapper
entertainment.
You've ever parked a car in a tree.
You consider old car parts nailed to a wall "Modern
Art."
The new part you purchased for your car cost more than your wife's wedding ring.
You've ever
requested a handicapped plackard because you can't walk and chew bubblegum at the same time.
You've ever sold
moonshine as a dual purpose gas additive.
You consider Ford blue, John Deere green, and primer grey as the three primary
colors.
The only tools in your car are a pair of pliars, a large flat-tipped screwdriver, and a hammer.
Smog warnings
are issued by the local news stations when you drive into town.
You've ever driven accross a pond.
The UFO hotline
limits you to one call per day.
You consider it a crime that "Dukes of Hazard" never won an Emmy.
You
can name over 100 different uses for Bondo. 200 if you include chicken wire.
You don't know the meaning of the word
"fear." In fact, you can't even spell it.
A good game of "chicken" involves real chickens and
a car.
Fish & Game has to keep telling you not to use your car to fish and hunt.
You're not worried about
the price of gas because you "brew" your own.
Your jumper cables are really an old appliance power cord.
The Salvation Army has asked you to stop making donations.
Your car has ever caught fire and you failed to
notice.
You think weather-stipping is a form of nude sun-bathing.
You think a "catalytic-converter" is
some sort of eye-operation.
The grill of your hot rod has hamburger drippings on it.
You have a line of credit at
the pull-apart yard.
All of your cars are named after Civil-War heroes from south of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Your
state legislature has ever specifically named you in a piece of legislation.
When informed of your death, your reletives
won't need to ask how it happened.
You owe money on more than one vehicle that doesn't run.
You consider
being able to identify road-kill as a useful culinary skill.
Grass won't grow in your yard because that's
where you park your car.
It's easier to burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your sister is the best mechanic
in the county.
Your mother does wear Army boots… the ones you gave her last Christmas.
You have
ever put truck tires on a '34 Ford.
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